ADHD Couples in Conflict: A Quick Guide to Connection

🧠 ADHD Couples in Conflict: A Quick Guide to Connection

📌 “Managing ADHD = Managing Practical Matters = Stronger Relationships.”
—Ari Tuckman, PsyD

💡 What is ADHD?

  • Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder is a lifelong, neurodevelopmental condition.

  • It affects executive functioning: attention, impulse control, self-regulation, and time management.

  • ADHD is not just a childhood issue—it impacts adults and their relationships, too.

  • 🧬 Low Dopamine (& Norepinephrine) Levels

    • Cause inconsistency in motivation and performance on certain tasks

🧩 Common Signs in Adults

  • Distractibility, disorganization, forgetfulness

  • Poor time management, impulsivity, talking over others

  • Difficulty finishing tasks or making decisions

  • Rejection sensitivity: overthinking, worrying, emotional reactions

💔 Relationship Impact

Partner with ADHD may feel:
• Overwhelmed • Different • Shame • Fear of failure • Unloved

Non-ADHD partner may feel:
• Ignored • Emotionally blocked • Exhausted • Confused

🔄 Common Dynamic: Over-Functioner vs. Under-Functioner

A frequent pattern where one partner takes over responsibilities while the other avoids or forgets, fueling resentment and burnout.

✅ Healthy Relationship Strategies

  • Accept the diagnosis as a team

  • Externalize the problem: “You are not the problem—the problem is the problem.”

  • Improve communication and conflict resolution skills

  • Respectfully give and receive reminders to each other

  • Practice grace, humor, and structure

🛠 Tools That Help

💬 Counseling
• Emotional support • Executive functioning skills • Communication strategies

⏰ Lifestyle and Medical
• Good sleep
• Use calendars, analog clocks to “see time”, and visual systems
• Balanced nutrition
• Supplements: Omega 3, Zinc, vitamin B, vitamin D, and Magnesium
• Time tools (timers, clocks)
• Dopamine boosts: nature, music, prayer, creativity, movement
• ADHD medications (stimulants or non-stimulants)

🏆 The Reward of Dopamine
Here is a list of suggestions for a beneficial dopamine rush :
Taking walks in nature, traveling, spending time with family and friends, creativity, eating dark chocolate, listening to music, sunlight exposure, achieving goals, watching a sunrise or sunset, touch and hugs, finishing a project, petting a cat or dog, and meditation / prayer / singing… just to name a few!

By Kelly Roberson, MA, LCMHCA
NC Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor | National Board Certified Counselor
ADHD Clinical Services Provider
🔗 Contact Kelly: kellyroberson@surehopecounseling.com
SureHope Counseling |  JoyfFull Counseling Association
Stay up to date on blogs, events, workshops, counseling, and other services: Click Here